So I've been wondering and asking God for a while why we're not as close as I know we could be. Us being not as close as I'd wish, I haven't heard Him too clearly.

But one thing hit me: What if that one thing that you really love doing is something that's keeping you from Him? I've thought of this before, regarding my music especially. I love music. I listen to it, I write it, I play it, I record it, I perform it. It's something God's put in me. But I know the desire in me to be appreciated and accepted because of music isn't His doing. If I'm seeking approval through it from God or people, that's not His will for the gift. I have His approval. Now it's just a matter of showing Him my gratefulness through my gifts.

So like I said, I've thought about this before but I think my approach to fixing the problem wasn't all that healthy the first time. I was kinda like, "Ok music, I'll see you in a year." I wasn't all that aware of what the real problem was.

Now that I have tons of free time I've been relapsing for approval lol. Music's not bad, it's just how I've been using it. While I was playing guitar today, He told me something like, "What happened to just worshiping Me?" I was like, "Oh wow. You're right. Musical worship can be personal." I had gotten so focused on using my gift for other people; for worship and teaching and proclamation. This is probably where seeking approval through music started to fester. I became obsessed with how my music gets received. Then I'd gauge my success in fellowship with God based on how people respond. But the reality is, even Jesus spoke the truth to certain people that didn't receive or respond to what He had to say (and we know His message was never wrong). But His identity as a child of God was never shaken. Just like Jesus, I'm meant to gauge my success in my relationship with God. Nothing else. And thanks to Jesus that relationship is RECONCILED! HALLELUJAH!

Now I want to personally worship with music more. If I worship Him with my music in the time I set aside to spend with Him alone, who knows where that'll take us? Well I can think of one person.